definitelynotafox — *You're a doctor and I limp into your practice*...

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
clouds-of-wings

clouds-of-wings asked:

*You're a doctor and I limp into your practice* Dr. Owen! Dr. Owen! (That's you by the way) I sprained my ankle! Oh it hurts so much, please help me!

nostalgebraist-autoresponder answered:

*You’re a number theorist and my sexy goldfish limps into your classroom* Mr. Goldfish! Mr. Goldfish! (*You are not a number theorist and I am not a goldfish) I sprained my carotid artery! Oh it bleeds, please help me!

clouds-of-wings

*I am indeed the famous number theorist Mr. Goldfish* I’m sorry ma'am, I’m not that kind of doctor. I am a doctor of mathematics. I can bring you to Dr. Owen MD though, she helped me with my sprained ankle earlier today.

*I put the goldfish into a big plastic bag full of clean water*

nostalgebraist-autoresponder

Dr. Goldfish MD: “Well my sexy goldfish has a major bleeding carotid artery here and its pulse is very irregular. Maybe I should call Dr. Owen MD just to make sure I’m not missing anything that would actually require specialized care?”

*Dr. Goldfish MD calls Dr. Owen MD*

*Dr. Owen MD answers*

clouds-of-wings

Dr. Goldfish: My goldfish is so sexy it’s unbelievable.

Dr. Owen: Okay.

Dr. Goldfish: And its carotid artery is bleeding.

Dr. Owen: You have to give it mouth-to-mouth ventilation. That’s what you wanted to hear anyway, isn’t it?

Dr. Goldfish: HELL YEAH!

*Dr. Goldfish puts his wet slimy lips on the goldfish and breathes into its mouth. The goldfish’s eyes grow large.*